Hello From M

Last weekend I volunteered at the AT&T Marathon, handing out bottles of water and Powerade to the runners as they were finishing their race. Ever since signing up to volunteer (over a month ago) I’d been toying with the idea of running the marathon next year. I think that pushing yourself to the limits, both mentally and physically, and surviving gives one some of the biggest rushes of adrenaline possible. And I also want bragging rights, you know, because I’m five years old and can’t live without my sense of accomplishment and praise for said accomplishment. Anyway, I’m handing out water and one of the people I had a bottle to is an old Asian man, who is easily 75 years old. Why does it matter that he’s Asian? Because he was the cutest, itty bittiest little man in running shorts I’d ever seen, that’s why! But yeah, I see this old man complete a 26 mile race in under three hours and I think to myself, “What a wonderful world” and then I think “I can own this shit!” So then I decided, once and for all, I was going to start training to run the marathon next year. Then a guy who had soiled himself during the race walked by and I hesitated but I figured I could avoid that problem by taking a few Imodium AD pills right before the race. See, always thinking ahead. That’s why I make the big bucks.

I’m giving myself a year to train because I figure that will give me just enough time to actually prepare, suffer an injury or two and recover in time to continue my training. I hate running outdoors so that, in itself, will be a challenge unless they decide to cover Austin in a climate controlled dome like they did in The Simpsons movie. I’ve decided I will start off with running on a treadmill, building my runs up that way, and then slowly move to outdoors within a month or two. Luckily I have a treadmill available at my office so the plan is to take thirty minutes off during my lunch break to run and then slowly move to running during lunch and then for a short while when I get home at night. The second run is debatable, mostly because I’m really lazy and I like getting home and playing with the puppies.

I had my first lunch time run today and it was, how do you say, horrible. Last year I started running on a pretty consistent basis.  I was doing my lunch break runs and at my best was doing a seven minute mile. I then sprained my ankle and it was well over three months before I was a hundred percent and felt comfortable enough to even do a simple jog. It’s been about five months since the healing was complete and I still wake up with a sore ankle if it’s cloudy or rainy outside. It’s called getting old. Anyway, I ran today and it took me ten and a half minutes to complete one mile. I’m pretty sure this was my worst run ever but I’m consoled by the fact that it’s been five months since I ran and that’s not too bad, right? Just say yes and make me feel like less of a loser. Thanks.

So it begins and let’s hope that I don’t die or, even worse, decide that my running would be greatly improved if I were to wear spandex.